My daughter is 16 months old now an we have settled into a routine, we have what I can only assume is a normal home life. I’m pretty confident that it is.
When she was born, she arrived with a thump. Having been battered and bruised on the way out; she took a while to get better and spent some time in hospital. Now she is a happy 16 month old who loves her George Pig toy. If I didn’t have pictures to prove it, nobody would know that she went through the mill. My wife took a pounding too, she never uttered a moan or complaint. She is a legend, an absolute hero.
Before the baby was born I was concerned about having seizures around my daughter. I just didn’t want to get in the way and need help, when I was meant to be the help. However as soon as she was born something rather strange happened, and to this day I am unable to explain it.
From the day of her birth I had a 6 week period without so much as an aura, and even now I do not have seizures in any way like I used to. In the first 3 months my sleep was interrupted and wakeful, this is traditionally a recipe for disaster. But no. I remained seizure free. The lack of seizures was unnerving and I waited for an absolute monster to come along and rain on my parade. I am even now at a loss as to what caused this, but maybe it was just that my sleep was so jiggled and disjointed that my brain didn’t know what to do. So it did nothing. I accepted this with open arms. This was the longest period of grace that I have ever had from seizures since I was about 7 years old. The gratitude that I have for this is immeasurable.
But all good things come to an end. Two days after my daughter started to sleep through the night, my period of grace was brought to an abrupt but quite polite end.
Oddly, when they came back I felt more normal than I had when I wasn’t having seizures. During those eight weeks I felt as if I had to look over my shoulder, as epilepsy was taunting me just waiting to pounce. On its return, the relief was considerable, yet so was the disappointment. Bizarrely the fact remained that I had missed my epilepsy. Is this normal?
I feel quite guilty for missing the seizures. I know people would give their right arms to be seizure free. To be honest I would too. Although I don’t think that I would be able to trust the seizure silence. At least now I know where I am with it, its like an old friend that you just can’t shake off. You know, the one that comes out on a night out and “forgets his wallet”. Yet if he wasn’t there, you’d wonder where he was and would lend him some money in order to get him to go to the pub.
Maybe it is just me.
With the help of a new AED, rest and an rejection of stress; my (rather brutal) partial seizures started to get in to line. At the moment they are much kinder, far less frequent, intense and more predictable than ever. Epilepsy certainly does not stop me from completing Dad-ly duties. If anything, my experiences in life have made me focus and made me a better Dad. For that, I am quietly grateful. 🙂
Many Thanks for reading ,